Vanderbilt University

06/09/2025 | Press release | Distributed by Public on 06/09/2025 13:43

Rewrite “feeling rules” to launch a new era for men’s mental health

Society often gives men strict rules on handling emotions. Phrases like "Man up" and "Be a man" suggest that men shouldn't struggle emotionally. But in reality, everyone faces difficult emotions, regardless of gender.

Obstacles to men's mental well-being

Men often hesitate to seek help because of society's expectations. Men are told to be "tough," handle things alone and suppress emotions. Instead of showing painful emotions, men might deal with distress through actions society deems more "manly" like:

  • Isolating from loved ones
  • Expressing anger or irritability
  • Spending too much time on work or hobbies
  • Using alcohol or other substances
  • Doing risky things, like driving recklessly

These behaviors can be signs of emotional distress but may not be recognized as such. And even when they are recognized, the stigma around asking for help often stops men from reaching out. Challenging outdated ideas about masculinity, like "real men don't need help," can help combat stigma and overcome obstacles to well-being.

Decoding outdated "feeling rules" for men

Feeling rules tell us which emotions are OK to feel and how strongly we should feel them. Society's feeling rules for men are based on outdated ideas about masculinity, and they can have unwanted impacts. These rules suggest:

  • Only rely on yourself. Outdated idea: Men should handle challenges on their own.

Impact: Relying onlyon yourself can lead to isolation and prolonged distress.

  • Be tough and strong. Outdated idea: Men should show toughness and competitiveness. Being stubborn and showing some anger is OK.

Impact: Excessive toughness can isolate and increase pressure on the individual and others.

  • Don't be vulnerable.Outdated idea: Men shouldn't show emotions that society deems "weak" or "feminine" like sadness, fear and other feelings that show vulnerability.

Impact: Hiding emotions can lead to burnout, stress and strained relationships.

  • Control your emotions.Outdated idea: Men should hold back emotions like sadness, significant anger and even joy.

Impact: Consistently holding back emotions can lead to chronic stress and prolonged pain.

Breaking the mold: New rules for emotional strength

Thankfully, views on masculinity are evolving. It's time to adopt new feeling rules that promote emotional strength:

  • Feel all emotions. It's healthy to experience a full range of emotions.
  • Communicate effectively. Sharing feelings constructively is key to personal and professional success.
  • Vulnerability is strength. Opening up when you're hurting takes courage and fosters stronger relationships and mental health.
  • Asking for support is wise. Seeking help during tough times is vital for your well-being and that of your family. No one can do it alone.

Take charge of your mental health with Lyra

Asking for help requires strength, courage and wisdom. Lyra's coaches and therapists can support you in lowering stress, improving your relationships and finding fulfillment. Remember, the most important challenges are often best tackled with teamwork.

Join or learn more

Vanderbilt employees and their families are eligible to receive 12 counseling or coaching sessions per household member each calendar year, at no cost to employees.

Sign up today at vanderbilt.lyrahealth.comor call 877-804-2856.

You can view frequently asked questions on the Office of Health, Wellbeing and Belongingwebsite.

The Office of Health, Wellbeing and Belonging aims to strengthen health, well-being and a sense of belonging among employees. We are dedicated to promoting mental health, work-life balance and a supportive work environment. For more information, email wellbeing@vanderbilt.edu.

Vanderbilt University published this content on June 09, 2025, and is solely responsible for the information contained herein. Distributed via Public Technologies (PUBT), unedited and unaltered, on June 09, 2025 at 19:43 UTC. If you believe the information included in the content is inaccurate or outdated and requires editing or removal, please contact us at support@pubt.io