How to cope with caregiver burnout

How to cope with caregiver burnout

If you are a caregiver of a disabled or elderly loved one, you probably know what it feels like to be burned out. Chances are you have little or no time to yourself and are constantly fatigued. Then there's the overwhelming guilt you may feel when inevitable feelings of resentment and anger creep in.

It's important to know that you are not alone. According to a 2025 report by AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving (NAC), 59 million Americans are caring for adults and four million people are caring for children under 18 with an illness or disability.

According to Ellen Carty, PMHNP, a Cape Cod Hospital psychiatric nurse practitioner, caring for someone with a chronic illness/disability or dementia is one of the hardest jobs on the planet.

"It's absolutely heartbreaking," she said. "Caregivers are under constant physical, mental and emotional stress. And the demands are never-ending, day after day, with no respite. While healthcare workers also often feel burned out, at least they have a change of scene after their shifts. That's not the case for a caregiver. It's almost impossible for someone dealing with that much stress to avoid burnout."

Then there's the emotional distress of feeling overwhelmed when caring for someone you dearly love.

"A caregiver is often the spouse or child of the disabled person, making the job that much more difficult," said Carty. "Because they feel attached to the person, they often feel 'compassion fatigue.' They are so exhausted they have no more to give emotionally. And that of course can lead to feelings of guilt. It's such a hard situation."

Recognizing the Signs

"People heading toward burnout often say that they feel numb, a sign that their bodies are trying to cope with the physical and emotional distress," she said.

Other signs include:

• Mood swings.
• Sleep problems.
• Increase in substance use.
• Physical illness.
• Mental distress (often leading to feelings of guilt).
• Relationship issues.
• Feeling of resentment, followed by guilt.

What to Do

If you are moving into the territory of caregiver burnout, it's important to seek help and relief through local resources, said Carty.

"There may be a group at your local senior center, so you can drop off your loved one and have some much-needed time alone. And some nursing homes offer overnight or weekend respite care, while your community may also have an Alzheimer's (support) group." Cape Cod Healthcare offers a support group that is specifically offered for caregivers of patients with dementia, offered twice per month in Hyannis.

Some neurology practices are starting support groups, she said. If your loved one has a neurological problem, check with your provider to see what services they offer.

Self-care is Critical

"Remember that when someone is caring for a loved one, they are constantly at the risk of physical, mental and emotional burnout," said Carty. "It's critical to everyone involved that you find the time to simply rest and do some of the things you love."

Medical treatment can also sometimes help a caregiver cope, "but I don't advise that as a first resort," she cautioned.

It may also be useful to turn to CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), a form of goal-oriented talk therapy. According to the National Institutes of Health, CBT is a hands-on, practical form of psychotherapy. "By identifying unhelpful or distorted thinking patterns, CBT helps you develop healthy coping mechanisms and improve your state-of-mind," Carty explained.

"If you are going to give your loved one the care and love they need, you first have to take care of yourself. It's just that simple."