Finding Joy in the Holidays Again

Insights by Jeremy Goshorn

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time filled with celebration, connection, and joy. Yet for many people, this time of year brings a complicated mix of stress, financial strain, family tension, or feelings of loneliness. Jeremy Goshorn, Assistant Professor of Psychology/Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Lebanon Valley College, notes that cultural expectations around the holidays can make navigating these emotions even more difficult.

"Society, television and media, and culture suggest that holiday activities should be joyous and positive. This is not the case for all individuals," Goshorn explains. "The holiday season can bring with it stressors that may impact one's mental health."

These stressors take many forms. While some people enjoy breaks in routine, others find these changes destabilizing or anxiety-provoking. Individuals working in healthcare, retail, or service industries often face additional pressures, including working holiday shifts that prevent them from spending meaningful time with loved ones.

Family gatherings can create their own challenges. Clashing personalities, political disagreements, and strained relationships often intensify during the holidays. For those who feel unaccepted or unsafe-particularly members of the LGBTQIA+ community-holiday events may be especially stressful. As Goshorn notes, "Those in the LGBTQIA+ community or those with beliefs or identities that are not accepted by their family may find it especially stressful or difficult to engage in family events."

Financial pressures also add to the emotional weight of the season. Travel expenses, gift expectations, and hosting responsibilities can strain budgets and increase anxiety long after the holidays end. For individuals grieving a loss or coping with an absent loved one, family traditions may bring both comfort and sadness. "Once happy family events can be painful reminders of the individual who is missing, the loss that occurred, and the profound sadness that exists," Goshorn says.

Even amid these challenges, Goshorn believes that meaningful "joy-moments" are still possible. He encourages shifting away from the expectation that an entire holiday must feel perfect and instead focusing on small, positive experiences. "Rather than evaluating an entire experience, look for small moments of enjoyment or joy that are meaningful to you," he says. A laugh shared with a relative, a familiar dish, or a quiet moment can help reshape the holiday experience.

Lowering expectations can also ease stress. "Is it worth the mental stress and anguish striving for a perfect experience? Or is good enough, enough?" Goshorn asks. Releasing the pressure to create a flawless holiday can open the door to more genuine joy. Acts of service-like volunteering-can further restore a sense of purpose and connection.

Setting boundaries is another effective way to protect mental health during the season. This might mean attending only part of an event, opting out of an invitation, or gently redirecting heated conversations. "Saying 'no' to an experience or event is a common example of setting a boundary. Your own discomfort should not prevent you from setting and maintaining your boundaries," Goshorn advises.

Self-care remains essential as the calendar fills. Goshorn encourages individuals to identify what replenishes their energy and intentionally make space for it. "If social events, holiday functions, or preparation activities drain your cup, you need to find something that fills that cup back up," he explains.

Self-compassion can also help individuals navigate unmet expectations or feelings of falling short. Goshorn encourages treating oneself with the same kindness offered to a close friend. "The goal of self-compassion is to respond to our own shortcomings with the same level of kindness we offer others," he says.

Planning ahead-such as communicating expectations early or establishing rituals that honor loved ones who are no longer present-can also support emotional well-being. Lighting a candle, setting a symbolic place at the table, or sharing memories can help families maintain connection and acknowledge loss in meaningful ways.

Gratitude, too, plays a powerful role in reframing the season. With so much comparison embedded in holiday culture, gratitude helps anchor individuals in what truly matters. "Engaging in gratitude helps interrupt our focus on the negative, making it easier to see the good in things," Goshorn notes. Building a consistent gratitude practice also creates emotional resilience when stress or disappointment arises.

While the holidays can be overwhelming, they also offer opportunities for reflection, connection, and personal meaning. As Goshorn reflects, "Making a conscious effort to identify moments of joy or enjoyment can be a powerful way to shift your perspective."

By approaching the season with intention, boundaries, and compassion, individuals can rediscover joy and embrace what makes the holidays meaningful-on their own terms.