‘The greatest joy of parenting with a disability? I did it.’

Stephanie Infante is a wheelchair user and a mother. She shares an honest and insightful reflection on parenting with a disability. Here is her story.

Motherhood has shaped me in ways I never thought possible. I was ambitious before, but now I feel a deep responsibility to leave behind a legacy for my daughter. I want her to say, "My mom was a force." Yes, I have a disability-but I don't want that to be the only thing people talk to her about when they speak of me. I want her to be proud of the woman I am, the mother I've become, and the legacy I leave behind.

The Joys & Challenges

The greatest joy of parenting with a disability? I did it.I set out to become a mother, and I'm a good one. That alone is a powerful achievement. I also take pride in being her foundation, especially as a single mom. My family has always been my biggest support-even when some were nervous about me having a child. Still, they've stood beside me, and we've created a loving, reliable village.

And at the end of the day-I am her mom.

But there are challenges. Having so many people around us all the time can make it difficult to have one-on-one time with her. That bond is crucial, and I sometimes struggle to find those moments of just us. I remind myself this is temporary.

Right now, it's me, her, and the village-but I am always her home.

Navigating parenting expectations that don't account for disabled moms is tough. I never want my daughter to miss out because of my limitations. So when I physically can't do something, I ask others to step in. Her experiences and joy come first-even when it hurts me to sit on the sidelines.

Tools That Help

Parenting became more manageable through trial, error and some creativity. When she was a baby:

• We used a bedside bassinet, making it easy for me to reach her.

• I used nursing pillowsand bouncersfor easier feeding and bonding.

• We chose bib stylesthat went over the head-no tricky buttons or clasps.

Now that she's two and more independent, we're:

• Transitioning to pull-upsfor easier changes.

• Dressing on the bedinstead of a changing table.
• Slowly getting her used to sleeping outside the crib.

Modifying Our Space

I returned to using a walker or wheelchairinstead of crutches, which allows me to safely carry and feed her. We added:

• A mini fridgeat my side stocked with essentials.

• Her crib in my room, inches away from me.

• Our dining room turned into a second kitchenjust for me and her.

• The stroller indoors-perfect for rocking her to sleep during naps.

Diapering and bathingwere the two hardest daily tasks-and I had no adaptive help. But what stands out most is clothing. Give me velcro and magnets, not buttons and snaps! Accessibility in baby products is not optional-it's essential.

Reflections & Advice

You are not alone. It will be hard-not just physically, but emotionally. You may struggle with your limits, but that doesn't mean you're failing. Learn to ask for help. Take breaks. Be kind to yourself.

I knew it would be tough. But I wasn't prepared for how emotionally hard it would be to face my limits daily. I wish someone had told me how mental the challenge would be.

My daughter doesn't know any different. She loves me completely. Her love is the purest form of acceptance. Through her, I've learned that my disability doesn't lessen my ability to love-or to be loved.

She is young, but already she's learning how to help me. She'll help me with chairs, hold things for me, and walk with me from room to room. It's a learning journey for both of us.

Self-care is crucial. I see a personal trainerat least twice a week, go to the salon monthlyand catch a movie alone-those moments of solitude are gold.

When I was pregnant, I quickly realized how unprepared my medical team was to support a disabled mom. There were assumptions made before I even opened my mouth. I wish I had known how much self-advocacy I'd need. Disabled women do have babies-and we deserve providers who are ready to support us fully and respectfully.

A myth I'd love to bust: Disabled people can't be good parents. We can. We will. And we are.

A Working Mom

In addition to being a single mom, I founded The Homegoing Registry, a nonprofit organization dedicated to supporting those navigating the difficult journey of grief. Inspired by my own experiences with loss, I created this space to provide compassionate support, practical resources, and a community of care.

My mission is to help others honor their loved ones, process their grief, and find healing in their own time and way.

I participated in United Spinal's Work Readiness Program which gave me greater clarity about the direction I want to take in my career, provided the support I needed, and helped me step out of my shell. I've become more confident and vocal about my goals thanks to this experience.

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