A pediatrician's reflection on pregnancy and infant loss awareness month- Children's National

Inside our pediatric offices, our days are typically defined by growth. We measure it through the steady climb of percentiles, the joyous chaos of a waiting room filled with babbling toddlers and cooing newborns, and yes, even the wail of a child receiving their vaccinations. We love celebrating your family's milestones - the first smile, the first tooth, the first days of school, the sounds of life moving on.

But there is another side to pediatric medicine, one that we rarely speak about openly, yet it carries profound weight. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, a time designated to honor the brief, beautiful lives of the babies who left us far too soon and the enduring grief of the families left behind. For a pediatrician, this month brings a unique, quiet sorrow. It asks us to reflect on and remember the families we care for deeply and whose babies we could not save.

There is a specific, devastating silence that settles over a clinic when a family returns, not for a well-child visit, but to drop off leftover medical supplies, or to gently tell us that their baby didn't make it home. In those moments, the medical training that taught us how to calculate exact medication doses suddenly feels inadequate against the sheer magnitude of a parent's heartbreak. What I have learned over years of practice is that in the wake of such tragedy, medicine must step aside to make room for humanity. We cannot fix the unfixable, but we can and will stand in that space with you.

Breaking the silence around pregnancy and infant loss

Historically, society has treated miscarriage, stillbirth and neonatal death with an uncomfortable silence. Parents were often expected to move on quickly, as if the brevity of the baby's life somehow minimized the depth of the love. But love does not require a long lifespan to be real, and grief has no specified timeline.

To any parent in our practice community who has experienced this loss: Please know that your baby mattered. Their existence, however brief, permanently changed your story, and they remain a part of our practice family's story, too. Healing doesn't mean forgetting; it means finding a way to carry that love forward.

How to support a grieving parent

If you know a friend, neighbor or family member walking this dark path after a miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death, please do not let the fear of saying the wrong thing keep you from saying anything at all. Simplicity and honesty are the greatest gifts you can offer.

• Say their name: If the parents named their baby, use that name. Hearing it spoken aloud is a beautiful acknowledgment that their child was real and remains valued.
• Avoid platitudes: Phrases like "You can try again" or "Everything happens for a reason" can unintentionally minimize a devastating reality. Instead, try: "I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I am here for you."
• Offer ongoing space: The initial wave of support often fades after a few weeks, but grief endures. Reach out on difficult milestones, during the holidays or simply on an ordinary day.

Join the Wave of Light on October 15

Every October 15, on National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, a global movement takes place. At 7 p.m. local time, families across the world light a candle and keep it burning for at least one hour. The result is a continuous, rolling "Wave of Light" that spans the globe, symbolizing that these children are never forgotten.

To the resilient, grieving parents in our community: We see you. We remember your babies with you. And it remains the highest, most sacred honor of our careers to care for your family, in every season.

Pregnancy and infant loss support resources

• Share Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support offers national phone support, resource packets, private online communities and local in-person chapters for families experiencing early loss, stillbirth or infant death. Contact them at1-800-821-6819.
• Star Legacy Foundation specializes in stillbirth research, education and free weekly virtual support groups for parents, dads, grandparents and subsequent pregnancies.
• Postpartum Support International runs specialized online bereavement support groups and a peer mentor program matching grieving parents with trained volunteers. Call or text their dedicated helpline at 1-800-944-4773.
• MISS Foundation provides crisis support, online moderated forums and a one-on-one HOPE Mentor program for families navigating traumatic grief.
• March of Dimes provides educational reading materials and coping strategies for families processing grief after miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal loss.

Immediate crisis helplines

• Maternal Mental Health Hotline provides free, confidential 24/7 support for emotional challenges related to pregnancy and loss. Call or text 1-833-852-6262.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offers free, confidential support for people in distress or acute emotional crisis. Call or text 988.
• Crisis Text Line connects you with a live, trained crisis counselor via text. Text HOME to 741741.