Rutgers research shows women may begin to downplay orgasms when they don't experience them across different partners

Over time, expectations can shift, especially when something remains out of reach. Researchers from Rutgers University-New Brunswick suggest this also may be true for orgasms.

When an orgasm is repeatedly absent, women may begin to see it as less important, according to the researchers, whose studypublished in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.

"Women don't necessarily care less about orgasm compared to men, but when it doesn't happen regularly, they may start to see it as less important," said Grace Wetzel, the lead author of the study who conducted the research as a former Rutgers doctoral student and is now at Indiana University. "That shift in expectations may be one way people adapt to the 'orgasm gap,' the well-documented pattern in which heterosexual women experience orgasm less often than men during partnered sex."

The findings show that women may begin to downplay orgasms when they don't experience them across different partners. Researchers said this shift may help ease declines in satisfaction and relationship quality, even though the absence of orgasm still has negative effects overall. They added it may even contribute to the gap between how often men and women experience orgasm, when women stop trying to have them.

This pattern reflects a broader tendency: When people are less likely to experience something, they often lower both their expectations for it and how important it feels, said Wetzel, whose research focuses on how gendered experiences shape sexual lives, particularly in relation to pleasure.

Wetzel said the results reflect both individual coping strategies and a broader social context in which women's pleasure is often deprioritized, even as individuals make decisions that work best for their relationships.

Lowering expectations may help protect relationships in the moment, but researchers note it also may help perpetuate the gap and reduce satisfaction over time.

Researchers used a set of controlled scenarios in which participants were asked to imagine different relationship situations. In each case, an orgasm either occurred frequently or rarely, both in past relationships and with a current partner. By varying these conditions, the researchers examined how consistent experiences, or the lack of them, influenced how participants viewed orgasm.

Participants were then asked to rate how important orgasms would be to them, along with their expected levels of sexual satisfaction, desire and relationship commitment. This allowed researchers to assess how changes in orgasm experience shaped both perceived importance and broader relationship outcomes.

"We found that women placed the least importance on orgasm when they were told in the hypothetical scenario that they had not experienced it in the past or with a current partner," Wetzel said. "In other words, women devalued orgasm only when it was consistently absent across partners."

The study, coauthored by Diana Sanchez, a professor and chair of the Department of Psychology at the Rutgers School of Arts and Sciences, also found that men showed a similar pattern, placing less importance on a hypothetical female partner's orgasm when it was consistently absent. This suggests that both partners adjusted their expectations when orgasm was not part of the experience, the researchers said.

The absence of an orgasm also shaped how women evaluated relationships.

"When women saw orgasm as less important, it helped soften the effects of not experiencing it on their relationships," Wetzel said. "In that sense, it acted as a way of protecting how they felt about the relationship."

However, women consistently reported lower sexual satisfaction, less desire and lower relationship commitment when they imagined not experiencing an orgasm with a partner, Wetzel said.

Wetzel said the findings suggest that women's attitudes toward orgasms aren't fixed but shaped by experience and context. The study also highlights how both partners may contribute to this pattern.

"Men's and women's devaluing of women's orgasm likely perpetuates the orgasm gap over time, as expectations for and pursuit of women's orgasm decrease," Wetzel said.

She added that couples can work together to make choices that are right for them, while ensuring that the female partner's pleasure is prioritized, regardless of orgasm.

The study was also coauthored by Shana Cole, an associate professor of psychology at Rutgers, and Hayley Svensson, a former doctoral student at Rutgers who is currently at the University of Oklahoma.