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05/08/2025 | News release | Distributed by Public on 05/09/2025 01:18

From Napkins to Coat Check: Dining Etiquette for First-Gen Students

From Napkins to Coat Check: Dining Etiquette for First-Gen Students

BU lecturer Lisa Flores' Art of Modern Business dinners covers from how to hold utensils to where to place your napkin and how to stir your coffee

BU lecturer and food-and-beverage marketing professional Lisa Flores (CGS'00, Questrom'02) (standing, back left) shares etiquette tips with first-generation students at a 2024 business dinner at the Center for Computing & Data Sciences. Photos courtesy of Lisa Flores

Student Life

From Napkins to Coat Check: Dining Etiquette for First-Gen Students

BU lecturer Lisa Flores' Art of Modern Business dinners covers from how to hold utensils to where to place your napkin and how to stir your coffee

May 8, 2025
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When you first arrive at an event, find the host and thank them for their hospitality. If you're going to drink alcohol, have only one glass and sip it throughout the event.

Those are just a couple of the tips Lisa Flores (CGS'00, Questrom'02), a Boston University School of Hospitality Administration lecturer, shares during her business etiquette dinners for BU first-generation students.

There are so many unspoken things that people assume you already know when you get to college, says Flores, a former BU first-gen student herself. Figuring it all out on your own can be tough-especially for a situation as rife for mistakes as a formal networking dinner, which is tricky for anyone to navigate.

It's an area that Flores is uniquely qualified to teach.

"My mom is Korean, so I grew up using a lot of chopsticks," says Flores, who is also director of sales and marketing for the Columbus Hospitality Group, which operates high-end restaurants throughout Boston. "Our style of eating was different-I didn't know proper dining etiquette until I started working as a hostess in a fine-dining restaurant my junior year at BU."

Flores is herself a former first-gen BU student.

The dinners began in spring 2022, after Beverly Brown, wife of then-BU president Robert A. Brown, and Maria Dykema Erb, executive director of the Newbury Center, approached SHA about supporting etiquette instruction geared to first-gen students. Flores, who teaches food and beverage management, took over in 2023. (The mission of the Newbury Center is the development and success of first-generation undergraduate, graduate, and professional students.)

"It's been so wonderful having one of our own first-gen alums share tips and advice on modern business dining etiquette," Dykema Erb says. "Whenever Lisa shares her own journey as a first-gen student at BU, the students feel an immediate connection with her. They appreciate the opportunity to build cultural capital and to know what to expect if they ever need to attend a business meal or a formal event."

So what does an etiquette dinner look like?

The Art of Modern Business dinners are held one to two times a year. Each dinner has a host, usually the University president or his or her spouse. (Melissa Gilliam hosted her first dinner this academic year. "The students loved her," Flores says.) Over several courses of food, diners receive instruction from Flores and the host on basic etiquette and common scenarios: how to hold your utensils and glasses, how to break bread apart and butter it, how to stir your coffee, where to place your napkin when you're eating and when you get up, where to put your bag if you have one, how to interact with coat check, how to manage a dietary restriction or an issue with a dish. It's also a chance to practice holding polite conversation.

Flores' etiquette rules of thumb for business dinners

Greet the host when you arrive and say thank you when leaving.

Be thoughtful on wine consumption-play it safe.

Don't order high-priced items if you're in a restaurant and someone else is paying.

Be on time, but don't linger at the end of the evening, as the host typically has to stay until the last guest leaves. Don't be the last guest!

If all else fails and you don't know what to do: match and mirror the host.

Stand out from the crowd: participate in conversation and ask people about themselves.

Be interested: do your research on the person interviewing you and on the company.

Be polite to the event planners from the recruiting company that planned the event, if applicable. They are the eyes and ears of the hiring team.

Send a thank-you note to the host.

A simple way to remember how the place setting is laid out: BMW, or bread, meal, water.

This is hardly debutante-style instruction, Flores says. Rather, "we're talking about everyday things that happen at a table." The goal is to empower everyone with basic knowledge so that students can focus on presenting the best version of themselves during a professional opportunity and not worry about which fork goes with what plate.

The etiquette dinners have proven popular at BU and beyond. BU Alumni & Friends reached out to Flores about holding a dinner, she says. Flores also recently hosted a dinner for master's students at Brown University.

BU students say the instruction is invaluable.

"My initial thought was that it was going to be a fancy dinner on how to eat properly and that it was, honestly, a waste of time," says Jairo Zelaya (CGS'23, COM'25). "But in fact, learning about the subtlety of etiquette showed the meaning behind each piece of silverware and its placement. This was important for the servers as well, since knowing how your plate was oriented meant that you were either finished with your meal or still eating."

"I'm thankful for the etiquette skills that I learned from Lisa Flores," says Dianna Marcellus (CAMED'25). "I was also excited to have President Gilliam as the host; it made the event feel special. I feel prepared to attend formal dinners, and I look forward to applying my dining etiquette skills to future events."

The Newbury Center didn't exist when Flores was at BU. She says there was so much she had to teach herself about academic and professional life, so for her, being able to arm students with information they need to succeed-and watch them gain confidence in real time-is the best part of holding the dinners, she says.

"It's really great for everyone's self-esteem," she says. "It's not just about using a fork and knife: it's about being proud of who you are, and how far you've come. I think that's what students really take from the program."

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  • Alene Bouranova

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    Alene Bouranova is a Pacific Northwest native and a BU alum (COM'16). After earning a BS in journalism, she spent four years at Boston magazine writing, copyediting, and managing production for all publications. These days, she covers campus happenings, current events, and more for BU Today. Fun fact: she's still using her Terrier card from 2013. When she's not writing about campus, she's trying to lose her Terrier card so BU will give her a new one. She lives in Cambridge with her plants. Profile

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