Is Your Homework Parenting Style “How Can I Help?” or “You’re on Your Own, Kid”

Few students-or parents-would say that homework is their favorite time of day. And parenting approaches vary from completely hands-off to über-involved when it comes to providing assistance with assignments. What's really best for kids when it comes to homework help?

Naama Gershy Tsahor, PhD, associate professor in the Gordon F. Derner School of Psychology, brings a new theoretical look at this subject with an article published in Journal of Research in Childhood Education, which grew from a larger project of observing parent and child interaction during homework and digital recordings of homework at home. In "Homework as an Opportunity for Joint Attention in Middle Childhood," Dr. Gershy Tsahor puts a new spin on the debate about parental homework involvement, bringing a perspective that could transform how families interact during homework time.

A New Framework for Understanding Homework Help

"When I started studying homework and parenting, I found that the literature was divided between proponents and opponents of parental involvement, or focused on topics like whether parental involvement is academically effective. The parent-child relationship was completely overlooked," said Dr. Gershy Tsahor. "As children grow up, there are fewer opportunities for parent-child interactions that are meaningful, so I began looking at homework as one context for interaction that was already built into the family's daily routine. Parents are so busy that if there's a way to foster the relationship that is already structured in family life, it makes for an ideal opportunity."

Dr. Gershy Tsahor's theoretical paper positions homework as not just an academic task, but as a unique opportunity for "joint attention" between parents and children during middle childhood-the developmental stage between early childhood and adolescence. The work is grounded in questions like "What do children need from their parents during middle childhood?" and "What kind of parental involvement enables a child to feel seen, valued and supported, as well as feeling that there is sufficient trust in them to do things successfully alone?"

The resulting approach-employing "joint attention" during homework-moves beyond the traditional argument for or against parental homework involvement and instead focuses on the quality of parent-child interactions during homework time. In developmental psychology, the concept of joint attention refers to one person coordinating, with purpose, their focus of attention with another person on a single object or task. More succinctly, it means two people paying attention to the same thing at the same time.

In early childhood, joint attention plays an important role in language development, social bonding and learning. Dr. Gershy Tsahor's article suggests that homework is a structured opportunity to maintain and strengthen these moments even as children grow older and such occasions are fleeting.

Practical Implications for Parent-Child Homework Interactions

Many parents find themselves increasingly involved in their children's homework, yet sometimes feel uncertain about the right level of support. Some worry about creating dependence on their help, while others fear their children will fall behind without a helping hand. With a national survey by NORC (National Opinion Research Center) at the University of Chicago showing that 80 percent of parents help with homework on at least a weekly basis, practical guidance on how to help is useful for those seeking equilibrium.

"Doing this the 'right way' is a big concern for parents," Dr. Gershy Tsahor said. "They understand the importance of helping their child academically, but most parents are not educators. They are confused about how to help."

Her research offers a strategy to help parents navigate these concerns. She notes that while parents may not have the pedagogical training to promote their child's academic skills, what they are able to do is help their child find meaning and motivation in what they are doing. "Parents are the most important adults in their child's life. Helping children find meaning in what they have done during the school day allows parents to be witnesses and reinforcers, not instructors," Dr. Gershy Tsahor said.

Most importantly, she said, the focus should shift from a pedagogical, often stressful approach to one that creates meaningful experiences-an opportunity for mutual discovery rather than instruction. "Instead of providing the answers, parents can ask open-ended questions that help children think through problems while maintaining a shared focus on the work," she said. "They can sit with a child as they work through math problems, pointing out patterns together, or discuss the themes in a reading assignment."

She says that taking away the uncertainty and negativity from homework time is the key. "It's important for parents to know they don't need a teaching degree to help their kids succeed."

Taking a Tailored Approach

Effective homework support looks different for different children and families-some children may need more structured joint attention sessions, while others benefit from having parents available but less directly involved. "The key is maintaining the quality of shared focus and collaboration rather than trying to take a one-size-fits-all approach," she said.

"When people have children, they often feel there is a 'right way' to parent or a 'correct' strategy to use. While it can be reassuring to feel we have a script to follow, there is so much diversity in children and parents that this is often not feasible. It just creates more stress," Dr. Gershy Tsahor said.

She recommends that parents try to think about their goal and fine-tune and tailor their interactions. Ask questions like What does my child need from me in this context? and How can I join them in this process?

"This requires parents to be truly present, but ultimately they have the opportunity to learn something really important about their child's life and get a glimpse into their child's world."

In soon-to-be-published research, Dr. Gershy Tsahor examines the impact of an intervention that teaches parents to dedicate the initial five minutes of homework preparation to a guided observation of their child before offering assistance. Findings included an enhanced understanding of their child's mental experience and decreased levels of hostility during homework time, highlighting the importance of parental awareness of their child's mental state during homework and tailoring the experience to consider their perspective and capabilities.

Beyond Academic Outcomes

Dr. Gershy Tsahor's work encourages parents to consider outcomes beyond grades and test scores. While academic achievement remains important, the joint attention framework has significant added benefits: strengthened parent-child relationships, enhanced communication skills and increased confidence in learning.

"When families approach homework as an opportunity for meaningful connection, children develop more positive attitudes toward learning and greater resilience. They continue to trust the adults in their life as a reliable source of help," said Dr. Gershy Tsahor. "These outcomes can be more valuable in the long term than immediate academic gains."