How Funeral Directors Can Support Families with...

How Funeral Directors Can Support Families with Grieving Children

In your role as a funeral professional, you often see families during their most challenging times, and not just adults feel the weight of grief; children too feel deep loss. November marks Children's Grief Awareness Month, and also features Children's Grief Awareness Day on the third Thursday of November. This time is dedicated to bringing attention to the needs of grieving children and the benefits of the support they receive from the community, including from professionals like you.

Understanding how to communicate with and include young ones in memorial services can make a significant difference in their journey through grief, and help you build strong relationships with the families you serve.

Talking to Children About Death

When discussing death with children, let your families know that clarity and sincerity go a long way. Encourage families to avoid euphemisms, as they can confuse and mislead. Use gentle language that is age-appropriate, ensuring that the child understands what has happened. For very young children, simple truths that address the permanence of death are sufficient, while older children may need more details and assurance that their feelings are normal and expected.

Understanding Grief at Different Ages

Remind your families that children process grief in various ways, often influenced by their age:

• Preschoolers (3-5 years) often see death as reversible and may not grasp its finality. They need reassurance that their basic needs will be met despite their loss.
• School-age children (6-12 years) start to comprehend the finality of death and may express intense sadness or anger. Your families can encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings and help them find healthy outlets for their emotions.
• Teenagers (13-18 years) might seek independence in how they grieve or veer toward adult-like processing. Offering them choices in how they participate in the funeral can help them feel respected and involved.

Including Children in Funerals

"Should my child attend the funeral?" It's a question that comes up often - and the answer is a heartfelt YES. Attending a funeral can help children understand the reality of death and give them a chance to say goodbye. Being part of this moment lets them see that they're not alone in their grief and helps them feel connected to family and friends who are also grieving.

When children are left out of such an important family event, it can leave them feeling excluded or even create fear-based thoughts about what they missed. Those fantasies are often much scarier than the actual experience of attending a funeral. Encouraging families to include their children allows them to participate in the grieving process in a healthy, supportive way.

Before the funeral, encourage families to prepare children by explaining what they might see and hear. This helps avoid any surprises and lets them feel more comfortable in the setting. (And remind them - you're always there to help guide this conversation.) Suggest simple roles for children that they can manage, like handing out programs, reading a poem, or simply sitting close with family. And emphasize that children should have the final say on their involvement. Having a backup plan is helpful in case they choose to step back from any part of the service.

Resources for Grieving Children

Several organizations offer invaluable support for grieving children during Children's Grief Awareness month, and throughout the year:

• The National Alliance for Children's Grief provides educational tools and a network of support including a guide to local grief centers.
• The Funeral Service Foundation's Youth & Funerals initiative emphasizes the importance of involving children in the grieving process. Resources are free for you to share with families. Simply pay shipping.
• Rememberingalife.com offers advice on how to honor and remember the deceased.
• The For Grief Bookshop features a collection of age-appropriate books that families can share with grieving children.
• Homesteaders' archived blogs offer further children's grief support resources and guidance on how to support a family grieving the death of a child.

Practical Tips for Funeral Directors

When consulting with families, always ask about the children's current coping status and their understanding of death. Offer these resources proactively and discuss how to tailor the funeral service to accommodate the emotional needs of children. These conversations can guide families in making decisions that honor their loved one while also caring for the youngest mourners.

As funeral directors, you are uniquely positioned to offer guidance and support to grieving families. By addressing the needs of children, we help foster a nurturing environment that can help us carry forward in a time of loss.